Sad Christmas

I’m sitting here listening to ‘I’ll Home for Christmas’. “I’m dreaming tonight of a place I know, even more than I usually do.” I never realized how sad this song is…” I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams.” Who only wants to be home in their dreams?? I mean, really, what that saying is I want to be home but I can’t be. Sigh. I guess it doesn’t matter how many paper snowflakes I cut out or how many ‘Top 10 sites of London’ lists I look at, I really just want to go home. I thought it would be exciting to be out on my own in Europe, truth is I’m heartbroken. I never thought I’d say this but I rather be in Santa Rosa Mall with a cup of hot cocoa, then touring the castles of Europe. Heck, even without the cocoa. I don’t know if it’s b/c it’s my first Christmas away from home, my second Christmas without Allison, or if it’s the need to experience the ‘Christmas feeling’. I just want to work in the puzzle, to go to Grams and Gramps Christmas Eve party, or just one advent service. Maybe it’s because my homesickness is finally kicking in and it just happens to double because it’s Christmas. This might be the first Christmas I actually cry on. Who would have guess that my favorite time of year would turn into the saddest part. Drink some eggnog for me.